"…As far as productivity goes in writing, I just find a quiet life is much the best kind to write out of. It is true that you need to kind of know what makes the world go around so entire quietness isn’t to be desired either but by and large regular habits and making a firm alliance with a few people seems to me to be a nice way for this particular set of genes and muscles to go through our vale of tears."

— John Updike

Things My 19-Year-Old Sister Actually Said While I Was Home

Cheyanne (on seeing an old friend): “And he was like, do you remember me? And I was like, of course I do! You used to be fat!”

Me: “Cheyanne!”

Cheyanne: “What, Gaby? He knows he was fat!”

Dad’s friend: “Your hair is so blonde now, Chey, but when you were younger your hair was darker.”

Cheyanne: (slowly inching away from the table) “THE JIG IS UP. ABORT. ABORT.”

Dad: "May God bless you and make you like Sara, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah."

Cheyanne: “And Kim Kardashian.”

Me: “And Tina Fey.”

Dad: "Amen."

Cheyanne: "The only way I’d marry into the Bush family is if it’s Reggie Bush."

Cheyanne: “I want to get my tubes tied.”

Me: "Me too."

Cheyanne: “Do you think they do 2-for-1s?”

Cheyanne: “One time I saw two dwarfs dancing together at the club and I started crying because I was so happy for them, because they had like, found each other, you know? And then I had to go home.”

Watching Harry Potter on Demand:

Me: “Ew, Voldemort’s teeth!”

Cheyanne: “Gaby, I don’t think being a Dark Lord comes with health insurance.”

Cheyanne (seeing Hagrid): “I don’t really like giants. I only like midgets.”