GUYS. This is super important. If you like the Maccabeats or my posts or Jews or living or whatever, go here.

Their video is working for this cause, Make Some Miracles. The video is cute and all, but this is where it gets real. They’re looking to register people to find donors for people with cancer. They also need funding to work on the wait list and make matches. It’s really important. Check it out.

IF YOU’VE EVER LAUGHED AT ONE OF MY DIRTY JOKES YOU OWE ME THIS. <3

“I believe in miracles, since you came along, you sexy thiiiiing,” Hot Chocolate once sang, but sadly, that’s not the ‘Miracle’ song the Maccabeats chose to cover this holiday season.

YOU GUYS: My email inbox has been blowing up. It seems the people want me to comment on the new Maccabeats video pretty badly. On Twitter, I called ‘Miracle’ (the Matisyahu version) the group’s ‘Back 2 Basics’ ala Christina Aguilera — they’re going back to what they do best, reminiscent of their start. It’s simple, fresh, yet somehow still exciting. I like it, but I don’t have a whole bunch to say about it OTHER THAN:

MY NEW FAVORITE MACCABEAT IS THE STAR KIND OF.

Look, I can pretty much assume at this point that any Maccabeat soloist I highlight will become the star of the next Maccabeats video. It’s a gift I have — and with great power comes great jew-sponsibility.

Here is my new favorite. I call him Young Maccabeat or Lil’ Beat. Sometimes I make a typo and spell Maccabeats as “Maccabears,” so in my head, he’s like a little Maccabear cub. A Baby Beat. WHERE DID HE COME FROM? GUYS I LOVE HIM. HIS SMILE IS LIKE MARSHMELLOWS. I WANT TO ADOPT HIS WHOLE FAMILY.

THREE THINGS BABY BEAT AND I COULD DO IF WE HUNG OUT:

3. We could watch a cute, non-threatening movie like ‘Definitely, Maybe’ or ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’ and not cuddle.

2. We could get virgin daquiris and I could talk all about my boy troubles while he sympathetically listens and only says, “Oh my god, I know” after everything I say, or compliments my H&M scarf.

1. We could go look at puppies in the window of shops and I could take a bunch of Instagram pics of him next to a fluffy dog with Facebook captions like ‘OMG CUTE OVERLOAD WHAAAT.’

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Here’s a haiku for him:

Baby beat, Lil cub / Are you a freshman? Think so / Legal right? Jail would suck

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Further comments:

MAYIM BIALIK, LUV U BB GIRL. CUTE KIDDOS

Extra Extra! Uri has too many Newsie caps. Read all about it. <3 <3

Immanuel (deep voice!), Shefa, Ginger Jew, astronaut who I forget your name and who was the other deserving star of this video and the usual dudes, sorry if this post “ages you out” in favor of a younger ‘beat. You’re all still MILFs to me. (The “M” stands for Maccabeats.)

Other soloists who I know I haven’t given any love to in these posts: Please know I have dirty thoughts about you too. Know it in your hearts.

OKAY I’M SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING A BOOK, and instead I wrote this. No more videos until my book comes out.

Also, seriously, do I believe in miracles? Sure do, guys. SURE. DO.

Byeeeeee.

Mayim Bialik and I turned our online friendship into a real life friendship with vegan ice cream today. Yay LA! Yay Jews! Yay new friends who might get Emmy nominations and are so sweet and wonderful you’re like, why weren’t we friends for like, always?!

When I hang out with Mayim Bialik, my first question might be asking for this dude’s phone number.

That’s professional, right?

WELL THIS FIXES THIS MESSED UP DAY.