3. Get sexier!
Now that you’ve captured the hearts, minds and panties of Jewish ladies everywhere, may I suggest stepping it up a notch?
Unbutton the top button on those white shirts. Use silk sheets as your backgrounds. Start covering slow jamz. Maybe some Boyz II Men? “I’ll Make Love To You (When We’re Married)” — Something like that.
If there’s one thing we know you’re good at, it’s changing lyrics so Jew-ing up some Twista or Luda should be well within your wheelhouse.
Get it done!
2. A Maccabeat of the Month calendar
Wait! Hear me out! You assign each Maccabeat a month and then have them pose for glamour shots, create it on CafePress, sell it and make a fortune.
Picture this: A few of you on a bima, facing away from the camera except for your turned heads, with one of you winking as if to say, “Join us for an aliyah?” How about one where you’re all shirtless and under the picture the caption says, “A great miracle DID happen here.”
How does that sound? I’ve been watching ‘Mad Men’ lately so I’m gonna assume it sounds great.
1. Don’t be mad at me!
Everything I’ve written about you all is out of nothing but love. It’s also probably some kind of desperate attempt to understand my own attraction to this type of guy.
There’s a weird misconception that Jewish men are all awkward nerds or nebbish-y Larry David types. That they can’t be sexy. So I thought the more over-the-top aggressive I was in the post, the funnier it would be.
But also, I’m telling the truth! The e-mails I’ve subsequently gotten from guys who read it have expressed that many of you didn’t know you were sexy! This is astonishing to me. If there’s another moral to the Maccabeats video, it’s that religious Jewish boys are just as worthy of being drooled over as anyone else.
To those walking the street with a yarmulke; you’re killin’ it! While you’re showing pride for your religion, you’re also showing pride for how hot Jewish boys can be. Go out there and represent for your people. You’re probably starring in some shiksa lady’s fantasy right now and I could. not. be. prouder to call ya’ll my own.
As for the Maccabeats, sorry if I embarrassed any of you! I’d like to make it up to you guys sometime.
How about a slumber party?
…Too soon?
